I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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