Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
