it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
