i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
