I hate your face
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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