kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
