So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
