hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
