I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
