i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
