I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Everclear isn't food dammit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
