The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
