I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize