I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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