singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
