Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
