I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
