I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
