pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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