this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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