I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As shirtless as possible
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
