I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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