Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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