i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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