I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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