I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
