shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
