Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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