Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
