my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
