i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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