Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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