worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
