Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
