I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize