so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
