I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
