I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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