Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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