I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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