see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
