My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
