Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
