he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
