just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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