High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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