smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
