i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sext me about skeletons
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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