What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
