I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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