who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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