he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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