you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
