if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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