I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
