When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize