I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
