My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
