So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
