I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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