Define "chronic" masturbator.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
