He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
