I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
