What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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