ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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