im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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