Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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