Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
