If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
