Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When are your genitals available?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
