Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I want her autograph on my taint
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
