my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
