And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
