He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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