woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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