Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize