I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
