Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
